Here is the first of five major relationship killers you may want to avoid:
Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories: overt control and covert control.
Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.
Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked. Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.
This can be remedied in different ways. One suggestion I use with clients is to have them engage – together! – in a study of non-violent communication, and to begin applying its principles, which are observation, feelings, need, and request.
We will explore this more in upcoming blogs. Also, see my latest video.
Feel free to contact me if you would like to work together on this or other relationship issues.